I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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