When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
