I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
