i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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