I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
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