Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
