as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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