Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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