I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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