I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
