Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
