There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
