This is not my ceiling
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
