There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
