Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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