Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
