I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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