is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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