The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
there is glitter all over my balls
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