I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
