Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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