A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
