God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
