Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
