My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
