my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
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