I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
