I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
