He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
