if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
