Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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