i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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