Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
