Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
