Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
