That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
