Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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