There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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