I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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