I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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