U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
