how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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