The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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