Swine flu. Run for my life!
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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