and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
