Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
