I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
