Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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