so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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