I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
