the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
