your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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