he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize