It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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