He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
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Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
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Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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