just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
