i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
