i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
