After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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