Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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