they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
