If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
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he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
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He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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