she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
